What a difference 90 days makes

Let’s go back three months. We won’t stay there long, but it’s important to go back briefly. Just for a minute. To remember.

Three months ago, nearly to the minute, you were coming back from another date that you thought went fine, and maybe it’d go somewhere? If you didn’t ruin it somehow? Plot twist: It wouldn’t go anywhere. Didn’t take you long to realize this. No returned phone call, no returned text, you know the drill.

It was still the middle of the fucking pandemic, you were still reeling from your toxic, abusive, awful relationship that lasted way too fucking long, and you were just kinda…tired of it all.

Your mental health was a disaster, and your outer life reflected it. Your apartment was a mess (like, lol, you remember just how bad it was). You didn’t get nearly enough sleep. Sometimes you…just…forgot…to…eat?

You kinda, sorta did therapy sometimes. But not really. Reading? What’s that?

Fast forward three months. That’s how far you have to fast forward to really notice change. Because progress isn’t linear, and sometimes it’s really damn slow. But you’re in a new place, in so many ways.

New address, sure. And that does help! Gives closure. Give some separation. Gives some balance.

Also new relationship. New outlook. New habits. Lots of new.

If you told me three months ago that I’d be in a healthy, mutually beneficial and life-giving relationship that’s based on emotional and intellectual investment rather than physical intimacy; one that is secure and comforting and challenging (in all of the best ways) and not tiring; one that makes me laugh and smile and be optimistic and happy; one that made me be a better person, not only as a partner but as an individual person; one where there is mutual effort put forth by both partners and where there’s a mutual understanding of the importance and challenges that come with mental health; one that challenged me intellectually and simultaneously made me want to watch Spongebob; one where I proactively read a bajillion books; one where I feel like taking my mental health seriously, one where I consistently clean…well, I would’ve said no way.

But here we are. Who would’ve thought?

I don’t have a crystal ball. I have no idea what I’ll be able to say about the next three months come December. But damn. If it’s anything like the past 90 days or so, I’ll take my chances.